be true

Sometimes you fight so much for something without realizing you've actually outgrown it. Why? It sucks, because all you do is hurt people's feelings.You waste time and energy on something you don't want anymore. You invest in things you don't need, when you could be where you really want to be. People grow apart, fast, so fast you miss it. Be true to her, but must importantly, be true to yourself...

ill always love you

I love you
I wish you could see
All I wanted
Was for you to love me

I wanted you to see me
For something more
Not just some girlfriend
To keep you warm in the cold

I'll miss you forever
Especially at night
Because that is when
You loved me most
Never wanting to let go
and holding me tight

I'll always love you
Even if we're apart
You will always hold
A place in my heart

I hope you see
What you meant to me
It's not what you think
Baby believe me

I will always love you

argh...

I HATE when people don't acknowledge making a mistake and starting fights for no reason...

the curse of the ex...

You try and try, fight, to have a man be what you want him to be. After some fights, tears, and lots and lots of conversations, this man starts to get it. He starts to think before he speaks. He starts to put you first. He begins to live his life right.

And guess what. He does this for you. You make him see what a real woman is like, what real relationships are about.  He spends his days trying to make you happy. Spends time with you. He's not perfect, but you can see he is trying.

So what happens?

His stupid ex starts to realize that maybe he's not so bad. Maybe, just maybe, she's an idiot, and she might have had a lot to do with them not being together anymore... what to do? Continue sculpting a masterpiece? Or leave it alone?

Give it your all. If things are supposed to go your way, they will.

Bad Bitches Everywhere

Why is it so hard to treat people the way you would like to be treated? I try. I really do. Caring for myself is not self indulgent. If I care for myself it is because it is an act of survival. I need to take care of my own feelings because no one will ever take care of them for me. I can overcome all obstacles put in my path, with a smile on my face. I can smile every morning like I wasn't crying the night before. But that does not mean I don't hurt. I have learned to love beyond faults. To cry behind closed doors. And to fight battles nobody knows about. Because in the end, I am all I have. I'm just trying to be a good woman, in a world full of "Bad Bitches"...

entombed...

From the day you arrived
I've remained by your side
In chains, entombed.
Placed inside, safe and sound
Shapes and colors are all I see.

On the day you arrived
I became your device
To name and soothe.
Placed inside, safe and sound
Shades and colors are all I see
Shapes of colors are all I feel.

From the day you arrived
I've stayed by your side.
Placed inside, safe and sound
Shades of colors are all I see
Shapes of colors are all I feel

Placed inside, safe inside
Shades of colors are all I see
Safe inside...

I adore you.

Relate to Me...

Sometimes it's hard to be the bigger person in an argument. I know that. But you really have to sit down and look at things, not in the way that you see them, but in the other person's perspective. I feel a little jaded with my relationships. I'm older. I know what I do and do not want.

to be happy at any cost...

I want to be treated like im worth something, like im irreplaceable. I want somebody to take their time with me, treat me like there's no one else out there, and they cant be without me. To be nurtured, and cared for. To have someone be my best friend. For that person to care about my feelings before their own. I feel like ive been that person to everyone else, and now I want that done for me.

Only love can hurt like this

Only love can hurt like this...

I'm tired. So tired. Wtf is wrong with me. Why do people always feel like they can get over on me? I'm so sad. So hurt. And I don't know how to get out of this, without completely ripping my own fucken heart out. Why don't people think twice to play with someone's heart?

Units

I just woke up to the biggest tears rolling down my face. 

Even though it's not something I like to show, I am very fearful of losing Noah. I just cannot believe that I deserve getting snatched out of my sons life because I decided to move on with my life. I love that boy more than life itself, and to have to feel like I'm losing him these last couple of months, it's breaking my heart. 

I tried to make myself feel better, and tell myself that regardless of the outcome, I would still be in his life, but it's just not right. I have sacrificed so much. I never wanted another child because I knew that his father and I were not going to be together, even back then. And I tried. I tried so hard to not have another kid. I was even taking birth control behind his back. And yea, I guess everything happens for a reason. I know Gio needed to have this. I know he was dying to have a biological child. I know he was hurting for one. 

But all this is like a catch 22. I didn't want to have another kid because I knew that I would ultimately be raising this child alone. And I am not talking about financial. I am talking about other things. Like personal beliefs and morals, among so many other things. But then I had him. I went through the hardest pregnancy I ever had. Risked his life and mine at labor. Fell in love. Dam, did I ever fall in love. And I refuse... I refuse to think that my time with him will get picked and chosen by someone that knows nothing about our lives. 

No one knows. No one can know the friendship that kid and I have. I spent a whole year full of alone time with him. I know him like the palm of my hand.We have a special bond, that kid and I. The fact that I know I can never have another kid also makes this so hard. 

Everything that had to do with Katelyn, it's something I have had to get accustomed to. Everyday I deal with that. My heart was already in a weak state because of that. And then Noah comes along. And, no, he doesn't replace those heart string tug feelings I had about Katie, but he cured me a little. He made life easier. And fun. And like I said. I am completely in love with him. I know Gio loves him too, but to have him decide when I can and cannot spend time with him is a supernova mistake. 

Don't think about it at all
Just keep your head low
And don't think about it all

Soldier on, soldier on 
Keep your heart close to the ground
Soldier on, soldier on, keep your heart
Close to the ground

Don't think about it all
Just keep your head low
Don't think about it
At all

Yes, I do have the kids. And only someone with lots of kids can understand me when I say that the kids and I, together, we are only one unit. Nothing can be the same without one of us there. Yes, you can add to the unit. But you can never take away. 

Please don't break my unit, and my heart...

Attraction & Chemistry

at·trac·tion /əˈtrakSHən/ noun
1. A person or thing that draws, allures or entices.
2. A characteristic or quality that provides pleasure.

Attraction is not always physical. The really great thing about attraction is whether it’s physical or not, it’s often irresistible. Physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Attraction is more than that.

Chemistry. What is it? It’s that… thing. That “I need to see this person again” impulse. Or that “We click” feeling. But what causes it? Does it need to happen naturally, or can you create it? Does it die over time, or are there tricks to keep the sparks flying?

I am so attracted. I see him and I can't help but smile. He is just so beautiful to me. I love his face, his beautiful smile.  His voice and laugh brighten my day. And chemistry, yea, it's there. Definitely, no doubt about it...

Soldier On

Don't think about it at all
Just keep your head low
And don't think about it all

Soldier on, soldier on
Keep your heart close to the ground
Soldier on, soldier on, keep your heart
Close to the ground

Don't think about it all
Just keep your head low
Don't think about it
At all...

It's not easy getting over a broken heart. But I will do it somehow. I'm good at that. I just hope you are worth the pain I'm going through now. But I promise you, this is the first and only time you will break my heart.

It Goes Something Like This

Sweet tides, pools of love
Your eyes are full of...
Sweet tides, pools of love
Your eyes are full of...

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am
I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go.

To see you when I wake up, is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same, as I do, is a Three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
That I can't explain.

Your ass, it draws me in like a Bermuda highway.

There's a place in the sun for anyone
Who has the will to chase one
And I think I've found mine
Yes, I do believe I have found mine.

Long is the road
I have always been told
how lonely can one boy be?
Long is the road
i have always been told
how long can one man wait?
Forever.
Forever...that's how long I would wait

Not talkin' 'bout a year
No not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
In my life anymore
Forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

I've never been alive, Woah.
I've never been alive, Woah.
I've never been alive like I am now...

I know...

I have been wearing a permanent smile these last few months. I know you love me, you told me so. You let it show. I remember the first day I met you. I remember how I knew then that I would love you. But I didn't know that you would love me back the way you do. That you would do anything to make me smile.  That you would bring so much joy to me. Or that you could make me forget the world when you stare into my eyes... I love you

Love is not...

I think you are confused about what love is.

Love is not about winning. Love is not about being in control. Love is not about being right. Love is not about getting your way. Love is not about what I can and will do for you. Love is not selfish...

Love is all those little things that are the opposite of what you do.

And I'm tired. I'm over it... if this is the kind of love you have for me, I don't want it. Please, don't make me keep telling you, have some dignity and be on your way.

Accountability

It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one's acts.

I can't stand when people can't take accountability for the shit they do. It's such a douche move. Think before you speak, and own what you say....

Karma

I've always said this, and will continue to do so. I truly believe, treat others as you want to be treated. Also, let your actions do the speaking for you. Don't claim a certain feeling, but turn around and behave a different way. I will always stay true to this. I don't care, I will treat you how I would want you to treat me, always.

Poof! Be gone.

If you think your little tantrums will work, and somehow this will make me see how wonderful you are, you are absolutely wrong. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I would rather eat shit than to do what you want. And all you're doing is making me fall more in love, and you're making us get closer.I didn't think you were capable of doing this shit, but hey, you have proved me wrong once again. This is not the first time I'm wrong about you. Good luck in life. Hope you are lucky to find love again. Good bye.

WTF is wrong with me?

What the fuck is it about me that makes people feel the way they do about me?

I would really love to know what makes someone get the feelings they do for me. I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary. Why is it so hard? Why is it that when someone claims to love me, why do they "love" so hard. There's been times when those feelings have turned into just plain crazy.

I don't know what vibes I'm giving out, or if it's even a vibe, but I just want normal.

You suck...

I didn't think it was possible to hate someone this much. But I do. I hate your cockyness, your smug smile as if the world revolves around u. I hate that you think you can do no wrong. I hate that my needs don't matter to you. I'm not asking for anything from you. Just for you to stay out of my life. Leave me alone. Please. I'm so tired...

Happiness...

Read this article, thought I'd share.  Anything to help :)

“Happiness is a habit – cultivate it.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

Happiness is one aspiration all people share. No one wants to be sad and depressed.

We’ve all seen people who are always happy – even amidst agonizing life trials. I’m not saying happy people don’t feel grief, sorrow or sadness; they just don’t let it overtake their life. The following are 21 things happy people make a habit of doing:

1. Appreciate Life

Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life. Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

2. Choose Friends Wisely

Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values and goals. Friends that have the same ethics as you will encourage you to achieve your dreams. They help you to feel good about yourself. They are there to lend a helping hand when needed.

3. Be Considerate

Accept others for who they are as well as where they are in life. Respect them for who they are. Touch them with a kind and generous spirit. Help when you are able, without trying to change the other person. Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with.

4. Learn Continuously

Keep up to date with the latest news regarding your career and hobbies. Try new and daring things that has sparked your interest – such as dancing, skiing, surfing or sky-diving.

5. Creative Problem Solving

Don’t wallow in self-pity. As soon as you face a challenge get busy finding a solution. Don’t let the set backs affect your mood, instead see each new obstacle you face as an opportunity to make a positive change. Learn to trust your gut instincts – it’s almost always right.

6. Do What They Love

Some statistics show that 80% of people dislike their jobs! No wonder there’s so many unhappy people running around. We spend a great deal of our life working. Choose a career that you enjoy – the extra money of a job you detest isn’t worth it. Make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests.

7. Enjoy Life

Take the time to see the beauty around you. There’s more to life than work. Take time to smell the roses, watch a sunset or sunrise with a loved one, take a walk along the seashore, hike in the woods etc. Learn to live in the present moment and cherish it. Don’t live in the past or the future.

8. Laugh

Don’t take yourself – or life to seriously. You can find humor in just about any situation. Laugh at yourself – no one’s perfect. When appropriate laugh and make light of the circumstances. (Naturally there are times that you should be serious as it would be improper to laugh.)

9. Forgive

Holding a grudge will hurt no one but you. Forgive others for your own peace of mind. When you make a mistake – own up to it – learn from it – and FORGIVE yourself.

10. Gratitude

Develop an attitude of gratitude. Count your blessings; All of them – even the things that seem trivial. Be grateful for your home, your work and most importantly your family and friends. Take the time to tell them that you are happy they are in your life.

11. Invest in Relationships

Always make sure your loved ones know you love them even in times of conflict. Nurture and grow your relationships with your family and friends by making the time to spend with them. Don’t break your promises to them. Be supportive.

12. Keep Their Word

Honesty is the best policy. Every action and decision you make should be based on honesty. Be honest with yourself and with your loved ones.

13. Meditate

Meditation gives your very active brain a rest. When it’s rested you will have more energy and function at a higher level. Types of meditation include yoga, hypnosis, relaxation tapes, affirmations, visualization or just sitting in complete silence. Find something you enjoy and make the time to practice daily.

14. Mind Their Own Business

Concentrate on creating your life the way you want it. Take care of you and your family. Don’t get overly concerned with what other people are doing or saying. Don’t get caught up with gossip or name calling. Don’t judge. Everyone has a right to live their own life the way they want to – including you.

15. Optimism

See the glass as half full. Find the positive side of any given situation. It’s there – even though it may be hard to find. Know that everything happens for a reason, even though you may never know what the reason is. Steer clear of negative thoughts. If a negative thought creeps in – replace it with a positive thought.

16. Love Unconditionally

Accept others for who they are. You don’t put limitations on your love. Even though you may not always like the actions of your loved ones – you continue to love them.

17. Persistence

Never give up. Face each new challenge with the attitude that it will bring you one step closer to your goal. You will never fail, as long as you never give up. Focus on what you want, learn the required skills, make a plan to succeed and take action. We are always happiest while pursuing something of value to us.

18. Be Proactive

Accept what can not be changed. Happy people don’t waste energy on circumstances beyond their control. Accept your limitations as a human being. Determine how you can take control by creating the outcome you desire – rather than waiting to respond.

19. Self Care

Take care of your mind, body and health. Get regular medical check ups. Eat healthy and work out. Get plenty of rest. Drink lots of water. Exercise your mind by continually energizing it with interesting and exciting challenges.

20. Self Confidence

Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. After all no one likes a phony. Determine who you are in the inside – your own personal likes and dislikes. Be confident in who you are. Do the best you can and don’t second guess yourself.

21. Take Responsibility

Happy people know and understand that they are 100% responsible for their life. They take responsibility for their moods, attitude, thoughts, feelings, actions and words. They are the first to admit when they’ve made a mistake.

Begin today by taking responsibility for your happiness. Work on developing these habits as you own. The more you incorporate the above habits into your daily lifestyle – the happier you will be.

Most of all: BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.

Mi Vida Loca, LOL

By your own soul, learn to live
And if men thwart you, take no heed.
If men hate you, have no care.
Sing your song, dream your dream,
Hope your hope and pray your prayer.

 

 

I am me, and no one can tell me what to say or feel. I know who I am and what I want out of life. If someone can't see that, I'm sorry. Not because I care what they see or think. But because they are blind and clueless. I will not change for anyone. I will hope and pray that I am understood... this is my only life. And only I can make it what I want it to be...

It Is You

Sometimes people come into your life and you don't know it then, but they come in and the connection between you is so wonderfully strong that you wonder how your life even came to be without that person in the first place. Like, how could you exist without your other half, your soul mate. It's crazy how you went around in life without this. Everything begins to make sense now. Everything about that person resonates a true friendship and love. They become a part of you without you even noticing. You think about them constantly without even trying. You want to know everything about them. You get along great and have so many things in common, it's even kinda eerie. Age, status, and looks don't matter to you anymore. You want to be around that person all the time, just to see if you can discover yet one more thing you love about them. The thought of them brings a smile to your face. You giggle under your breath when you remember something goofy they once said or did to you. You curse every minute you don't spend with them, because that is another minute wasted. You look forward to your next meeting, phone call or text. And with all this said, it all is still very new and innocent. Everyone says to take things slow, be careful, but sometimes you just can't help it. Sometimes you can't control what your heart is feeling, what's there is just too strong.

Is this love?

I believe so...

Bye, bye, bye!

In life you have to know when to give up on something and when to fight for it. If there are always excuses being thrown around as to why you are no longer a part of someones life, don't even bother. You are not a part of that person's life because they no longer want you in it. Stop degrading yourself. If someone truly loves you and wants you, it will be plain as day to see. Be graceful, and let it go. Move on.

That being said, if you are the one that does not want that other person in your life, make sure you really let that be known. Grow some motherfucken balls and say it. Show it. Don't say bullshit like, "i love you, you will always be my queen," and in the same sentence say you want nothing to do with that person. You're lame...
Truth is, I've been over it...