Make Up

Today I am thankful for the creation of make up.

Not to sound conceited or anything, but I think I am fairly cute. I don't NEED to wear make up. I am comfortable enough with the way that I look that I don't not leave the house if I am not wearing make up or having my hair did... But I love wearing make up. When I was just sitting at home, taking care of home and the babies, I rarely fixed myself up. Now that I started working again, I have started wearing make up again and combing my hair. And I love make up. I just love how I can make myself look sooo good. LOL. I mean, really, my make up really brings my spirits up. It makes me feel nice. It makes me feel good about myself. I love how I have started to get hit on more than I used to. Not that I'm looking for another bf or anything like that, but damm, it feels good when someone actually does a double take to look at you. It feels nice when they smile at you, or wink... Not that I would follow through on anything, but I swear, the extra attention is really nice. I go home, and tell myself, like hot damm, I still got it... See, the thing is that I have never really been like one of those girls that were just so goddam beautiful, but I still had my game. Yet, somehow, I always ended up with the stupid guy who always thought he could do better, and was very verbal about it. Even my own mother and father were at fault with that one. They never were the type of parents to say to us, oh your beautiful, or anything of the sort. If anything, they have always been very judgemental. Especially my mom. So yea, I had low self esteem sometimes. And to have someone give you that little extra attention, and to know that it's because they think you are cute, well, it feels damm good... LOL. So, today I am thankful for my make up...


Vain?

The Canyon Behind Me

Why do we erect walls? For protection and security. And why did I erect this invisible yet impenetrable wall? Definitely to protect my feeble emotions. It also gives me a false sense of security. With the presence of this wall, no one can infiltrate in my heart and invade there. And though I myself have erected this wall, even I can’t climb it over. It’s not that I didn’t try to cross the wall and jump to the other side, but I learned that it only hurts. And so I’m accepting this wall as a part of my belonging. And my world is divided into here where I am now and the canyon behind me. The canyon that will swallow me whole if I try to climb over the wall. The very wall that I myself put up...

The paradox is I don’t know which side of the wall I’m facing.

We Can Have It

Last night all the horrible
things in life stormed through my dreams
and
I just want to shut it up,
shut it down
or shut if off.

Going where we lost it all.
Yet things before are with us now.
It hurts, it kills,
it takes the joy.
It brings no light,
it brings no love.

And what we want most is nowhere
to be found. Some people care.
They're going long.
They're going deep.
And still it's nowhere to be found.

We're looking far.
We're searching wide.
Still it's nowhere to be found.
What we want is gone for good.
It's simply nowhere to be found.

Somewhere is the one that never will.
Burn out is out there,
looking for a heart,
looking for a home,
looking for a hand to stoke its head.
You're not alone.
And you never said I'll see you again.
You never said I will,
I will.

Somewhere, someone says they got it all.
But that's not even what we want.
Not even close.
It won't ever be what we want.

When Life's a BITCH...

 

When life's a bitch, what do you do? You make a list of what in life is good. So here is mine:

• My kids: They give me a reason to keep fighting. To keep going, even when I feel the shittiest, I have to do it for them. Because I know that they look up to me...
• My sister: You know.
• My mom and Jorge: My mom wasn't always the best mother she could be, but lately she has made up for all the fuck up's. At least she tries now and she actually helps me out a lot. And she loves my kids a lot, and that means a lot to me. And I am glad she has Jorge. I think he makes her better.
• My friends: Who I have not been real close to lately, but my friends are the kind of friends that you can not talk to for years and when we see each other again it's like we never skipped a beat...
• Food: you know this fat girl loves food...
• Coffee: it keeps me sane in the mornings...
• Work: i enjoy it and it gives me that little extra money...

Cute Boys & the Adorable Things They Say

I was watching Marley N Me with the kids the other night. I was kinda falling asleep. Julian was laying on the floor next to the couch and I was holding Noah. The girls were scattered around the other couch. The part where Marley dies comes up, and they show the kids crying when they had to bury him. That part always makes me sad and misty. Julian looks up at me with his big hazel eyes and says, "I know someday I am going to have to bury you."


"You are going to have to bury me?"


"Ya, Noah and me. Cuz the girls will be too sad and crying."


So cut and dry. Where does his little mind come up with this stuff? And why am I the dog in this story?

Zoo

We took the kids to the zoo over the weekend. We only have a very small zoo here in Las Vegas, but the kids had fun, nonetheless... Here are a few pictures to share!

And here are some more animals... My animals!

Happy Easter

Happy Easter! Here are some pictures of the kids and their beautiful baskets made by yours truly :)

Here's my pretty girl, happy with her basket!

And here is my boy, too busy looking at what he got to smile :)

And here is Gigi, she doesn't look too happy huh?

And here is my favorite baby cheeks! He loves candy...

And here is Vanessa's basket... Where is Vanessa, you ask? Well, she was at her father's house, and I tried taking a picture of her when she got home, but she refused... she does not like pictures, supposedly.... ha!

Maybe People Don't Change After All...

Luck...

Do you ever feel like some people have all the luck? ALL the luck! While I am over here with no luck at all. Now, don't think that I am sitting over here in a little corner singing "woe is me" or anything like that, but I kinda feel like luck should be dished out a little more evenly. Or at least given to those who deserve it. But it seems like people hoarding all the luck steer on the side of not really being worthy of it all. And you know they know it! They walk around with a twinkle in their smile that says, "I am totally the luckiest bastard in the world and I'm gonna make a run for it!" It all makes me extremely suspicious that karma or fate or any of those excuses we use to explain life actually deserve any merit at all. And I'm not talking about any of that crap like, "I'm lucky to be alive" and "I'm lucky to have family"- we're talking about REAL luck here. Like people who fall into jobs that they never should have had, people who have these lifestyles of ease and breeze that did nothing but stumble upon luck to get it, and super models who were born perfect (a Victoria's Secret commercial just came on) and therefore have power over the world.




Uh, maybe I should just be happy I'm not Sandra Bullock.

Are You Serious? Really??...

I love Sandra Bullock. Ever since I watched While You Were Sleeping she has been a favorite.

From what I can gather, she is cute :) She is hella funny, seems really down to earth... and I thought, wow, she met someone nice. I thought they made a nice couple.


Look how dang cute they are together...

And then he went and had an affair? Really? Are you SERIOUS? With Her?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure she is a perfectly nice person. She might even be somewhat hot in a Kat Von D kind of way. Wait, scratch that, Kat Von D IS hot. I love tattoos. That is not what gets me though. What gets me is the fact that you are married to America's Sweetheart, classy, sweet, all around good person, what makes you go from that to her? Really? WTF was he thinking!! It just goes to show just how much of a bastard a man can turn out to be!

Somethings, I guess I am not meant to understand...

My Little Vacuum

See this happy face? This is the face of my little wierdo after getting busted eating crayons. You can't really tell in this picture, but Noah was eating a purple crayon. He had it all in between his teeth and he had purple slobber. He is so funny!